In the blink of an eye

It's finally happened...the shift from summer vacation to the last few weeks before school starts. Back to school flyers from various stores have arrived in the mailbox and commercials announcing sales for notebooks, pens and pencils have taken over the television.

Today was my list day. Lists for uniforms that needed to be ordered, and supplies were made. To make sure nothing is left out, everything is color coded of the haves and needs for each of my sons. This is my system that helps me to maintain my sanity in these last few weeks of summer.

I am not so sure that I am ready for school to start this year. When it does, I have to face the reality that the boys are getting older. That I am another year closer to them moving on with their lives, that will render me somehow useless to them. 

I know that they say time flies, and childhood will be over in the blink of an eye. But does it really? It seems forever ago that I held those tiny babies in my arms, that a lifetime has passed since I changed diapers and warmed bottles. Oh, how I loved  baby feet and the belly laughs at a game of peek-a-boo. The sweet time right before bed when Goodnight Moon was read and the Baby Jesus lullaby in Italian was sung, I think these rituals were my favorite. 

Our days were great, filled with learning to walk and talk, and countless hours of story books, the wonder of seeing their shadow and realizing for the first time that it followed them everywhere was priceless. But the nights were filled with snuggles, the sweet smell of baby lotion and a closeness with my children that I don't think can ever be matched again.
These memories are less vivid in the mind as they used to be, but are still there nonetheless. Although they may seem distant, the snippets of a child's life will remain in the heart as strong as if they happened yesterday, for this is where  our true memories lie. The brain may remember the way someone looked, but the heart knows how we loved this person and how it felt to be loved by them. Because it is with our whole heart that we love these little people that God has entrusted us with. An unconditional love that is so deeply felt, it can make your chest hurt with just a thought.

As they grew, my boys seemed to get more and more independent.  By the time first grade came around, I was not allowed to walk them to line up with their class in the morning after the first week of school. No kisses just a quick hug. The phrase I love you could not be uttered, it was embarrassing in front of their friends. We now have little signs that express my love that only they know, so that my boys will be spared public humiliation at the hands of mom.

With each new grade comes new  experiences that will help to shape them into the adults they will become. Struggles with emotions, friendships and homework has taught them that I will always have their backs, but they need to stand up for themselves and take responsibility for their actions. Sometimes these are hard lessons to learn. I still occasionally have trouble standing up for myself in certain situations.

Through their school years they have grown academically,  physically, and spiritaully. I am amazed by these changes that can be seen on a daily basis. I am proud to call these boys my sons.

Now as 4th and 5th grade approach, going to school on their own is on the horizon, another sign that they are slowly walking  away from me. What my sons don't know is that every time they leave the house, a piece of my heart goes with them. 

As my children grow and leave me by the wayside, we will never be truly apart, for they will always have my heart.